Thursday, October 30, 2008

5w2d - holding pattern

I'm in a hurry up and wait pattern I think. Frustrated and trying to remain optimistic.
First off. I have no symptoms at all. No m/s or enhanced sense of smell etc. And at last test, my hcg is high enough that if its going to happen it should. I know most women would be grateful to have a symptom free pregnancy, but for those of us who are fertility challenged, symptoms are the only ways we can tell we're still pregnant.
Okay, so I have one slight 'advantage'. Because my progesterone levels don't seem to be high enough and we're playing with meds, I get extra blood tests and since they are sucking my blood, I'm asking for more hcg tests at the same time. Mondays hcg was 3804. A little slower rise than between tests 1 and 2 but still more than doubling in 48 hours. Most recent blood draw was this morning. Now I just need to wait (not so patiently) for my Dr to get the results.
Oh, I saw the Dr on Tuesday. Nothing exciting. We chatted, wrote up some more prescriptions and booked the ultrasound. No weight, no bp, no check-up, no nothing else. Just a regular appointment with my Dr. She did say she hoped I was on major sedatives when they were yanking the adhesions from my cervix and cringed when I said that I had nothing at all, and yes it did hurt.
The U/S is not going to be until Nov 15. The 11th would have been the earliest to see the heartbeat. The 15th is the first appointment after that. I hear that many women with fertility issues are scared that they'll see nothing in the u/s. I'm one of them. Terrified even.
Why does having babies come so easy to some and so hard to others? Why can the heroin addict down the street give birth to a drug addicted baby every year and I can't even have one? How can so many teenagers get pregnant the 'only time' they've ever had sex? Why do people who don't want children, those who abuse children, get to have them, no tests, no questions asked, but we have to go through psych evals, invasive tests and home assessments? Certainly not fair when you look at it.
Anyway, sorry to go off on a rant. I'm just trying to pass time until my next results come in.


Starr Morgan said...

You deserve to go off on a rant! It is the same rant all of us with IF issues have. And it absolutely, completely, 100% is NOT FAIR!! Sometimes I want to throw myself on the ground, pound my fists, kick my feet, have a full blown tantrum screeming "IT'S NOT FAIR!!!" I am praying that everything works out for you!!

Anonymous said...

When you feel angry let of steam even if you have to talk to the walls, I am certain you arn't having too many symptoms yet is because it is too early just keep thinking positive, there are so many young girls down to Tim's here at 10 & eleven oclock maybe I should take one. Love you

Jojobee said...

Most pg symptoms like m/s don't start in most people until week 7 and then hit full force until week 8. I was one who was sick before the beta... Anyways... I know that the one day maybe out of the week (or the 2 hrs) I was feeling "ok" I freaked that I wasn't pg anymore, but then lo and behold, about 2-24hrs after, I'd be super sick... As much as you want to be sick I hope that you're the rare case who breezes thru pg!
As far as the u/s go... It doesn't get easier, at least not for me. I get so anxious before each dr's appt and pray days ahead that they're still living in there... And they are... I think it's normal for all pg women to feel this way, but maybe it's more in those who deal with IF...

Anyways... Nov.15 will be here before you know it!

Selmada said...

Thanks ladies!
I know you 'get it'.
It helps.

R said...

Positive energy to you!!! :) VENT AWAY!!