Grumble, Grumble, Grumble

3 more days to wait.
Well, I really don't have much to grumble about. At least not compared to some of those out in blog land, still struggling to get to where I am, or getting past where I am to have it ripped away from them. There are many happy stories too. More than I normally see. I cling to these. I've started to add the blogs I follow on my site. Its by no means a complete list, I have so many RSS feeds it takes a long time to get through them, but it's a start.
The un-cravings have actually gotten a bit worse. Now I really just don't want to eat. I will, if my stomach demands it loudly, but I've found that just shoveling anything in doesn't work anymore either. It has to be something I really like or I cant even force myself to take a second bite/mouthful. I had my favorite lunch at my favorite lunch place today and even that I stopped eating after less than 1/3. It tasted fine. I just didn't want to keep eating. I'm sure I'm going to hear about it from the cook the next time I go back, worried that there was something wrong with it (there wasn't, it's me).
I seem to do okay with pre-made soups (open, heat, eat without much chewing). So I'll find out who has some sales on (preferable those with low sodium) and stock up. Of course the mostly liquid diet is making the trips to the bathroom far more frequent. I'll count it as exercise.
So, assuming the best from the U/S on Saturday (best being at least one heartbeat with normal growth and nothing else scary) I'm likely to start telling people on Sunday. I know this early for some people, but in reality, if the worse happens and the embryo(s) stop developing, I think I need people to know and understand what I would be going through. I would not be in a good place. And of course if things continue to progress well, I want to stand on the highest building and scream it out to the world. I'm going to be telling my C-level boss this week. My immediate boss knows, has known all along during the tries, but the higher levels don't. I want to tell my C directly and if I start to tell people on Sunday it will spread to friends via facebook in the matter of seconds and I have many co-workers on there so I'd expect the office to know (whether they believe it or not) before I get in on Monday.
Along with the upcoming U/S, my thoughts are very much on the two friends I made in CZ during DE#1. We all had the same transfer day, the same hopes. But of course, like mine, it was not the best of outcomes. For one of them though, she got pregnant, for the first time ever after countless tries over many years. Although it ended badly, it provided the hope and knowledge that she could get pg. I really hope the both of them have the same results from this try as I did. ER for them is today and due to a CZ holiday are having a 6 day transfer. I've only read great things about 6dt so I'm sure it will be a huge success. I wish we could have all gone back at the same time.
Oh yeah, I'm officially 7w1d. For those who watch it, the little bouncing embryo in the widget will have changed when I hit week 7 yesterday. Its a major growth spurt, up to about the size of blueberry with some more distinct features.

Organized (or not)

I'm starting to get a tiny bit organized. I've bought most of what I wanted and now just need to sort the clothes out that I want to pack and make sure they are all clean.
Today I picked up the one thing I really wanted to bring - socks with those little grippy things on the bottom. At the CZ clinic, they like you to spend at least an hour after transfer with NO movement. So the transfer takes place in the recovery bed. They angle the foot of it into an inverted V, then have you scoot your butt to the end, with your feet perched there. No stirrups. After the transfer, they move you back a bit and wheel the bed into recovery for an hour.
Last time, my leg started to shake and I had to grab my socks to hold on. I dont think it would be a 'good' tranfer if I kicked the doctor in the head. Of course, last time, he had a hard time finding my cervix and I had to move to the big gyno bed-thingy. It seemed awkward, but it kept my legs still. But then I had to move beds after. I'm hoping not to move this time and of course, I'm hoping not to boot the doctor.
I also got some more of those bags that you roll your stuff up in to take up less space in the luggage. Oh, and while I was in the sock area, I picked up some of those socks that help when travelling.
One week, I leave in one week.
I'm trying to stay very positive. I wouldnt be doing this if I didnt think I could get pregnant. At the same time I need to not build it up so much because if I get another BFN, it will be even harder. How do I balance 'positive thinking' with realistic expectations??

To Do Lists

I'm -19db 5dt or in English - I'm 19 days before my 5 day transfer.

It's also 12 days until my flight to CZ. I'm not packed. This isn't too bad since lots of things can't be packed yet because I still need them before the trip. But I haven't even finished my packing list! Truth be told, I didn't fully unpack after my last attempt. At first it was because I couldn't lift much in the 2ww, then it was more the depression of the BFN and facing the suitcase meant facing that. I'm not even sure what is in my suitcase and carry on right now. I had a small panic moment a couple of weeks ago and verified that I did know where my passport (and I was right, it expires next year).

I have some shopping to do before I go. Nothing big but a couple of things here and there. I did manage to pick up some gloves today. I'm sure I have some packed away at home somewhere, but it will be a while before I need them here and it's one less thing to worry about now.

K, my dog and cat sitter, will need to put up with the more-than-usual-clutter. I had high hopes of going through clothes, papers, books and even organizing my kitchen cupboards before I went. Didn't happen. Won't happen. My normally boring social calendar was blocked full this month (I'm actually hoping for rain this weekend to get one or two things postponed).

One thing that I can't forget to do before I go or put off until I come back is to vote. Yes, dear readers, we in Canada are also having an election this fall. The official poll day is Oct 14, the day after my transfer. I plan to vote in one of the early polls before I leave. But I still have no idea who I'll be voting for.

For me, personally, who I vote for has always been a combination of how I feel about the specific candidate's ability to represent me (and my neighbors) and how I feel about the party s/he represents. In many things, the candidate will vote as s/he feels appropriate, for controversial things, they are required to vote along party lines, so both need to be taken into account. It's because of this that I don't think any candidate, after being elected can chose to change parties without a by-election. Party changing like that is not part of democracy as it doesn't represent the voters.

Not voting isn't an option. I'm appalled at the low voter turnout. I think the last federal election over 30% of eligible voters didn't vote. What the heck?!? I suspect that many of that 30% were the first to complain when Parliament did something they didn't like. I think if you don't vote, you can't complain. I also don't agree with people who don't vote for the person they want because they feel 'it will be throwing their vote away'. No vote, when made honestly is a throw away. Anyone who wins in a riding had better be aware that if they don't win more than 50% of the vote that they had better pay attention to why if they want to stay around. Plus, I think outcomes of elections could be very different if every single eligible voter voted honestly.

And speaking of honesty. Can I send a message out the leaders???? Please stop negative campaigning. Please stop fear mongering. Don't tell me how terrible life will be under the leadership of someone else. Explain to me how you will make it good. If you cannot stand on your own as a good leader without slamming someone else then why would anyone want to follow you???

All this to say I have one more thing to do before leaving for my DE trip. I need to learn more about the candidates (I know the party platforms) and I need to vote. I also urge all of you out there in reader land to vote.

Popping Pills

Tomorrow I add the next round of medications to my protocol. It's a milestone kind of thing in the cycle for many reasons. Most notable, it counts as the first of the cycle and if, scratch that, when, I get pregnant, it will be the official first day of the pregnancy.

I'm only adding 3 new things to what I'm doing now. Most of the existing are vitamin supplements with a couple of prescriptions. Here's a picture of what I take as of tomorrow and when and why. (new stuff in italics)

Morning
Synthroid 0.1mg -Hashimotos - need to get/keep my TSH between 1-2 - I might not have had enough time to do it this cycle - this is 4x the dose my last cycle
Adalat 20mg - borderline high BP
low dose aspirin 81mg - stops clotting issues that can sometimes come with endo
Estradiol Valerate 2mg - builds lining
Prednisone 5mg - relates to a couple of autoimmune issues and endo - last cycle this was started on day of transfer

Lunch
Estradiol Valerate 2mg
Prenatal Vitamin (any vitamins have to be taken a least 4 hours after synthroid)
Cranberry - passed a kidneys stone recently - avoiding a UTI
Folic 3mg - this is in addition to the 1mg in the prenatal - recent studies show this is a better value for TTC with 'issues'
B complex (no b12)- reasons as per above
B12 1200mcg - I've been short on B12 back when I still ate meat- had a Shillings test, absorption not an issues, I just need higher doses and from non-animal sources
Tumeric - anti-inflammatory - i need to verify its okay when pregnant
Garlic - anti-inflammatory and good for heart health - also need to check on this one for pregnancy

Dinner
Estradiol Valerate 2mg
Tumeric
Garlic
Cranberry

I need to pick up some more calcium. I don't know how it slipped my mind that prednisone drains calcium.

So that's my mix for the next couple of weeks. In 2 weeks on ER day, I add progesterone. It will all be worth it to hold a baby in 9 months.