Who cares if it's a choice?

Nah, this post is probably not what you thought it was from the title, it's not about sexuality, it's about being a single mom - by choice.

Yup, I posted about this a recently here On being a single mom who was raised by a single mom but also even more recently I was nominated for The Circle of Mom's Top 25 Single Mom blogs.

There are some amazing blogs on that list and if you have time, I suggest you read a few of them. But how to choose? Well you could just start at the top and go through them until you run out of time, or you could do what many will do and read the mini-bios and find the ones that "speaks" to you the most.

There are blogs by mommies, who like me, went at it alone from the start. There are blogs in the list of those who 'ooops' got pregnant by accident and decided to raise the child without a father. There are quite a few blogs from divorced moms. There are single moms who talk about parenting as a teen, in their 20s, 30s and 40s (and watch out, my next big birthday in a few years moves into the 50s). And then there are the blogs who's focus is on the kids, not why/how the mom became single. These include blogs with kids aged from newborn to teens and early adults. There are blogs by single moms focused on raising special needs kids. If it exists, it's probably there.

So yeah, if you have time, read them all. But if you don't have time, if you're stressed and looking for a laugh or support from someone in a situation similar to yours, then it's nice to pick a blog that matches that without weeding through all of them. That is why I include 'by choice' in my description. It's not to make me sound like I'm better (or worse since really, doing this on my own meant I didn't find love, even temporary love). So if someone is in the middle of bitter divorce and wants to read about someone else's divorce journey, they are not going to find what they want in my blog. But hey, there are a few in this list that would certainly fit that bill. If someone is alone and thinking this means they can never had kids, well, then my blog is a perfect choice for them. As it also started out as an 'infertility' blog, there is information and hope there too (one of my top 5 posts is about 8dp5dt) .

Over the last couple weeks, I have read at least one post from each of the blogs. I've discovered a few that I will follow regularly now. They are not necessarily by those who became a parent in the same way I did, but those who's general day to day parenting, work, home life overlaps enough with mine that from their writing, I think if we knew each other IRL, we'd be friends.  And that is what it's all about, this blog community,  friendships, support, advice, information and fun.

Why this post? Well of course I'd like some more votes at And Mommy Makes 3 but also in reading some of the other nominees, I saw some, well, not quite attacks but some negative innuendos about some of the other blogs, not while directed at any specific blog they were negative about the contents and descriptive words (by choice was brought up directly). So I will point back to this post Results Not Typical and remind that it is possible to promote yourself with slamming anyone else. Just because you don't share traits with someone, there is no reason to belittle or shame them.

And now my favorite photo of the week - the roaring lion with his less than impressed giraffe friend

Results Not Typical

We see this in small print on assorted things (most commonly weight loss promotions). It's how companies protect themselves from lawsuits when things don't quite work out the way you hope/expect.

That is what life is all about, results are not typical. There is no such thing as typical. We are not science experiments conducted in controlled environment. We are people with emotions, thoughts and pasts. What works for one person, may not work for another.

Common sense right?

Why then do people find it necessary to attack someone who had a 'similar' experience but got a different result or even had the same result but felt different about it? We see it all the time in comments on Facebook posts or in blogs or op-ed pieces from News Papers.

I'm not talking about comments that disagree with the poster, but ones that attack the poster. Here is a simple example (and nonsensical)

Post
I painted the table red. It looks amazing. I'm so happy I did it.

Comments

• Wow, love it. Wish I had thought of that.
• To each his own. I would have probably picked blue.
• WTF? Blue sucks! You have to be pretty messed up to paint something blue.
• I agree. I had a red table once and it was in the room when my boyfriend broke up with me. Red is horrible. 
• Cute.
• How dare you paint that table! The original wood looked so much better. You totally ruined it. I hope you rot in hell.
• Ignore what other people said, if you like red, keep it.

You get the idea. This is a totally nonsense situation but we've all seen it. Differences of opinions are great. We don't all like the same things, we shouldn't have to. We are not clones, we are people. And even if we were clones, the second we split apart and had unique interactions, our reactions to the same situation could be different.

There is something about the internet that seems to make it okay for adults to bully other people. And that is what it is, bullying. This is not something you would do in person. Yes, posting something on the internet opens it up for public scrutiny. So if you have an opinion that is different and want to share your opinion, do it. But there is no reason to attack another person for an opinion different from yours. It's the opinion you have a difference with, not the person. I've seen some amazing writers pull their blogs because of attacks.

Most recently, I found some disturbing attacks in a series on adoption in Huffington Post called Portrait of an Adoption . The posts are by people with good and bad experiences on all sides of the complexity that is adoption, but most of all they are honest stories written from the heart. This is the third time the series has come up. It's very clear there are many stories to tell.

Adoption itself can be a very emotional issue. Different people may have different feelings on the same aspect of it. And that is fine, good, to be expected. And I think it's good that people share if they had different results in a situation that was similar. I don't think it's good, appropriate or in anyway useful to attack someone, call names etc just because they took a different path or had a different outcome. And that has happened. Some of these people have opened their hearts to share their stories and been attacked by comments. It got so bad that they have had to put comment validation in. I hate that. Comment moderation does stop the attacks but it also deters people from commenting at all. I loved reading some of the comments on the earlier stories where others opened up and shared, even if their outcomes were different from the story. There are less of those now.

So people grow up. There is so much in the media now about kids and teens bullying and how bad it is, how to stop it. Well, one way is to lead by example. Don't be a cyber bully.

Feel free to comment. This is just how I feel. Results not typical.

Your chance to win something

I owe you all a real post on winning on the web, but for now, I'm going to add link to a blog I read where they do a weekly round up of anyone who wants to add their giveaway.

Deal Seeking Mom Link

I don't enter every giveaway, even those available in Canada (which are much fewer). I don't think there are enough hours in the day. Plus, I only enter those that I can use the prize (if it's kids clothes/shoes use within the next year). That's my personal thing. One reason is that I dont have the room. The other is that I think of it as a bit of a karma thing. Someone out there needs that item now and while I could use it as a gift, I don't really 'need' it right now.

So far, I've won 2 fabulous prizes. I've also found reviews on some amazing products and added a few favorites to the list of sites I would like to buy from. I even found one place that offers a twin discount.

Check out the link above, then check however many giveaways you want to enter. Let me know if you win anything.