MIA

Sorry if it seemed I disappeared off the face of the planet, for the most part, I did. My father passed away almost 2 weeks ago. I am still a bit emotional about it and I want to do a full blog post to/for/about him but I'm not ready for it yet.

However, I will give the background story so I can tell you how amazing my friends around me are. My dad and step-mom Kat live halfway across the country. When I saw the number on call display in the evening of the 29th, I knew it was bad news. It's 3 hours later there so this was not going to be a social call. It must have been Hell for Kat. She came right out to say my dad was in bad shape and not expected to survive the night. It was a recurrence of Cancer that put him on the operating table but in the end it was his heart that couldn't take it. He went into full cardiac arrest and was without oxygen for 20 minutes. Kat had said her goodbyes and they were just waiting for the rest of his body to catch up. I knew I'd have to leave and leave fast. I also knew, no matter how hard it would be for me, I could not take the boys. It involved a 5 hour flight, followed by transfer to downtown Toronto, followed by a 3 hour bus ride north and then a car ride to Dad and Kat's place. All done in a flash. Then there was the funeral itself. No, now was not the time for their first flight nor funeral. If they were older, I would have found a way.

Being a single parent, I couldn't just expect my partner to stay home.  I put the word out to the most likely and they came through in a flash. We had a rough plan and I put Monika from www.aias.ca in charge of the details, booked my flights and left.

It was hard leaving my kids. I was already emotional from the death, I didn't really sleep much and now I was without my kids. Then, when I thought it couldn't get worse, I got a text that Corwyn had a fever the day before the actual service. I can tell you, I looked at all my options to get back here and it would be more than 24 hours before I could get here (see what I had to do going the other way). It was 'just' a fever, but he's my baby and I wasn't home. One of the worse nights of my life. I lived for the chime to tell me I had a text message with an update. Happily in typical Corwyn fashion it was a fast, high spiking fever that didn't get to the emergency room visit level of 104. Again, I was so happy for my friends, taking such good care of my kids.

I've been home just less than a week and most of the time it's like I never left. But if they wake up at night, they call out for me and have to touch me. They are worried I'll go away again.  I don't want to do it either. But it's so good to know I have people I can call on if I need help. Not all single parents have managed to build up the village that I have. I'm so lucky, in so many ways.

Circle of Moms has started up the Top 25 Single Mom blogs for 2013. For the first 2 days, I was able to hold onto the coveted first position but recently fell (once others started signing up). I would love to finish in the top 25, and of course, the closest to the top would be best. You can vote daily for each IP address. Follow the link, then click on the 'Vote' button. Mommy Makes 3 at Circle of Moms

My stepmom let me take some of my dad's older stuff, things like his report cards and letters he wrote his mom when he first joined the Navy. It's good and hard at the same time to read through all of this, learning to know my dad as young man, away from home for the first time, scared and missing his family. Once I'm up to it, I will be putting together a tribute post.