Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Wordless Wednesday - Dog-pile!



Only 3 days left. Please vote daily if you can. I've slipped from number 2 to number 6 almost overnight. Click the link then click the vote button. Circle of Moms Thanks!

Friday, February 22, 2013

Who cares if it's a choice?

Nah, this post is probably not what you thought it was from the title, it's not about sexuality, it's about being a single mom - by choice.

Yup, I posted about this a recently here On being a single mom who was raised by a single mom but also even more recently I was nominated for The Circle of Mom's Top 25 Single Mom blogs.

There are some amazing blogs on that list and if you have time, I suggest you read a few of them. But how to choose? Well you could just start at the top and go through them until you run out of time, or you could do what many will do and read the mini-bios and find the ones that "speaks" to you the most.

There are blogs by mommies, who like me, went at it alone from the start. There are blogs in the list of those who 'ooops' got pregnant by accident and decided to raise the child without a father. There are quite a few blogs from divorced moms. There are single moms who talk about parenting as a teen, in their 20s, 30s and 40s (and watch out, my next big birthday in a few years moves into the 50s). And then there are the blogs who's focus is on the kids, not why/how the mom became single. These include blogs with kids aged from newborn to teens and early adults. There are blogs by single moms focused on raising special needs kids. If it exists, it's probably there.

So yeah, if you have time, read them all. But if you don't have time, if you're stressed and looking for a laugh or support from someone in a situation similar to yours, then it's nice to pick a blog that matches that without weeding through all of them. That is why I include 'by choice' in my description. It's not to make me sound like I'm better (or worse since really, doing this on my own meant I didn't find love, even temporary love). So if someone is in the middle of bitter divorce and wants to read about someone else's divorce journey, they are not going to find what they want in my blog. But hey, there are a few in this list that would certainly fit that bill. If someone is alone and thinking this means they can never had kids, well, then my blog is a perfect choice for them. As it also started out as an 'infertility' blog, there is information and hope there too (one of my top 5 posts is about 8dp5dt) .

Over the last couple weeks, I have read at least one post from each of the blogs. I've discovered a few that I will follow regularly now. They are not necessarily by those who became a parent in the same way I did, but those who's general day to day parenting, work, home life overlaps enough with mine that from their writing, I think if we knew each other IRL, we'd be friends.  And that is what it's all about, this blog community,  friendships, support, advice, information and fun.

Why this post? Well of course I'd like some more votes at And Mommy Makes 3 but also in reading some of the other nominees, I saw some, well, not quite attacks but some negative innuendos about some of the other blogs, not while directed at any specific blog they were negative about the contents and descriptive words (by choice was brought up directly). So I will point back to this post Results Not Typical and remind that it is possible to promote yourself with slamming anyone else. Just because you don't share traits with someone, there is no reason to belittle or shame them.

And now my favorite photo of the week - the roaring lion with his less than impressed giraffe friend

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

MIA

Sorry if it seemed I disappeared off the face of the planet, for the most part, I did. My father passed away almost 2 weeks ago. I am still a bit emotional about it and I want to do a full blog post to/for/about him but I'm not ready for it yet.

However, I will give the background story so I can tell you how amazing my friends around me are. My dad and step-mom Kat live halfway across the country. When I saw the number on call display in the evening of the 29th, I knew it was bad news. It's 3 hours later there so this was not going to be a social call. It must have been Hell for Kat. She came right out to say my dad was in bad shape and not expected to survive the night. It was a recurrence of Cancer that put him on the operating table but in the end it was his heart that couldn't take it. He went into full cardiac arrest and was without oxygen for 20 minutes. Kat had said her goodbyes and they were just waiting for the rest of his body to catch up. I knew I'd have to leave and leave fast. I also knew, no matter how hard it would be for me, I could not take the boys. It involved a 5 hour flight, followed by transfer to downtown Toronto, followed by a 3 hour bus ride north and then a car ride to Dad and Kat's place. All done in a flash. Then there was the funeral itself. No, now was not the time for their first flight nor funeral. If they were older, I would have found a way.

Being a single parent, I couldn't just expect my partner to stay home.  I put the word out to the most likely and they came through in a flash. We had a rough plan and I put Monika from www.aias.ca in charge of the details, booked my flights and left.

It was hard leaving my kids. I was already emotional from the death, I didn't really sleep much and now I was without my kids. Then, when I thought it couldn't get worse, I got a text that Corwyn had a fever the day before the actual service. I can tell you, I looked at all my options to get back here and it would be more than 24 hours before I could get here (see what I had to do going the other way). It was 'just' a fever, but he's my baby and I wasn't home. One of the worse nights of my life. I lived for the chime to tell me I had a text message with an update. Happily in typical Corwyn fashion it was a fast, high spiking fever that didn't get to the emergency room visit level of 104. Again, I was so happy for my friends, taking such good care of my kids.

I've been home just less than a week and most of the time it's like I never left. But if they wake up at night, they call out for me and have to touch me. They are worried I'll go away again.  I don't want to do it either. But it's so good to know I have people I can call on if I need help. Not all single parents have managed to build up the village that I have. I'm so lucky, in so many ways.

Circle of Moms has started up the Top 25 Single Mom blogs for 2013. For the first 2 days, I was able to hold onto the coveted first position but recently fell (once others started signing up). I would love to finish in the top 25, and of course, the closest to the top would be best. You can vote daily for each IP address. Follow the link, then click on the 'Vote' button. Mommy Makes 3 at Circle of Moms

My stepmom let me take some of my dad's older stuff, things like his report cards and letters he wrote his mom when he first joined the Navy. It's good and hard at the same time to read through all of this, learning to know my dad as young man, away from home for the first time, scared and missing his family. Once I'm up to it, I will be putting together a tribute post.